


still, i know to trust my own true mind

by lostin_space



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Communication, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:34:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22063366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: “I thought we agreed to be friends.”
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 9
Kudos: 63





	still, i know to trust my own true mind

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted march 25th, 2019, while the first season was still airing
> 
> also rereading this feels like a big yikes for me because of how much i've grown when it comes to writing these two losers

“I thought we agreed to be friends.” Alex hummed. Michael shifted his eyes away from his whiskey to Alex, but then right back to his glass. He admittedly hadn’t spoken to Alex much outside of group situations, but that didn’t seem to bother Alex like it bothered him. That is until Alex asked him to dinner so they could talk about something more lighthearted and Michael had turned him down to go to the bar. **  
**

“We are,” Michael said dryly. Alex sat beside him, nudging him with his elbow and flashing a smile that made Michael feel some type of way. He avoided thinking too much about it.

“Why’d you choose the bar over hanging out with me? Am I that bad?” Alex asked. Michael realized Alex sounded more playful than made sense. “Friends hang out.”

“Yeah, they do. Guess you were sending too many mixed signals.” Michael shot back, adding an extra dose of anger to counterbalance Alex’s joy. Alex furrowed his eyebrows.

“What do you mean, mixed signals?” Michael laughed dryly and turned to face him.

“I mean you say you want to talk, but then you invite me over to be absolutely alone as if you don’t know us. You know it won’t be just dinner. It’ll end up a night or two of sex and then you’ll get scared again. Then I end up hurt again. Because that’s how this goes and has gone for a decade.” Michael spat, pushing himself off the bar stool and storming outside. 

He didn’t know what overcame him.. He’d been skeptical of Alex’s intentions since he told him he wanted to start over and only more walls were built as time passed without talking. He’d seemed so sure about communicating when he said it, but then never seemed to make a real effort. Now, he’d made some sort of fake attempt by wanting to talk in a place they both knew they’d get no talking done. Michael would usually be all for mindless sex with Alex, but that had routinely set him up for getting hurt and he didn’t think he could take it anymore. Talking was the only thing he’d accept at this point.

“Guerin! Guerin, stop!” Alex called, catching up and grabbing his arm. Michael turned to face him, glaring at Alex who only seemed to be confused. “I don’t understand. I told you it’s different this time, why don’t you believe me?”

“When have you ever shown me that I can trust you when it comes to that? First, you leave for basic and don’t respond to a single letter I wrote to you, but I let it go when you came back because I missed you. Then you go on your first tour and you once again ignore me and I didn’t really expect you to talk to me, but when you finished it and I told you I didn’t want to, you were the one who promised it’d be different this time. But then you left again. Without telling me. And, outside of that one fucking letter you sent, I hadn’t fucking heard from you in years. And you come back and it feels different because we kissed at the reunion and you seemed to give a shit about my wellbeing, but then… Alex, you’ve never shown me it will ever be different, why should I trust you now?” Michael vented, trying to avoid the tears that threatened to spill. He had never really said out loud just how many times Alex had dropped him, but actually hearing it made him feel worse than he already did.

“I… I didn’t realize…”

“Yeah, I know you didn’t because I’m not allowed to have fucking feelings.” Michael spat, glaring at Alex until he couldn’t take it and chose the ground instead.

“You’re right. I haven’t really thought about how shit affects you. You’re always cold about everything.”

“I’m done acting like you don’t hurt me over and over.” Alex nodded as he took a step closer.

“I’m sorry. You’re right, I get scared and I run. But I meant it when I said I’m done with that. I want to make shit work with us.” Alex insisted, resting a hand on Michael’s arm. He shoved it off.

“Do you? Because you’ve made no effort to sort our shit out since you said you wanted to.” Michael shot back, returning to glaring. It felt good to glare, even if he could only do it towards Alex in small doses. Alex made him feel weak, but also stronger than he’s ever been. He hated it.

“You haven’t either. This is a two player game, you need to reach out too.” Alex tried. Michael raised his eyebrows and scoffed.

“What? No! I’ve spent the last decade reaching out to you! Hell, the day before you came to talk, I tried! I try and I try and it’s your turn. I’m tired, Alex. If you want me, you need to fucking work.” Michael spat, slightly regretting his words when he realized they sounded more sappy romcom than anything. However, when Alex gave that concerned look and nodded, he knew he got the word choice just right.

“Okay. And I’m reaching. Look, there’s gotta be more than just sex. I’ve had just sex and I’ve had real relationships‒nothing compares to the way I feel about you.” Alex insisted, taking another step closer. Michael stepped back. If Alex got too close, he’d probably fucking cave and his entire outburst would mean nothing. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

“No. I don’t want to be alone with you until we talk it out.” Alex rolled his eyes and snorted a laugh.

“Guerin, you can trust me.”

Those words reignited every ounce of anger and pain. Why were people so dense? Why did they not understand you have to show, not tell? Michael shut his eyes tight, feeling his anger boil to the point he was shaking. He didn’t realize he wasn’t the only thing he was shaking until Alex grabbed his wrist.

“Michael. Calm down. Not here.” Alex whispered. Michael wanted to fight it, but he knew they were already in a risky situation with the number of people who knew what they were. He knew he needed to stop.

“I don’t fucking trust you! Not like that!”

“I know, I know, okay. It’s okay, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s okay.” Alex insisted, taking initiative and grabbing Michael by the back of the neck. Alex held him tight in a hug, only holding tighter whenever Michael tried to pull away. “I know you don’t trust me. Let me try to earn that trust. The first step is avoiding making your abilities public knowledge.”

The longer they stood there, the more Michael felt himself caving. Not to Alex like that, but to the situation. The tight hug seemed to begin to slowly squeeze the anger out of him, eventually leaving nothing but his fear. Fear that this was just the beginning to the worst of it. Fear that he was being nothing more than an idiot by even letting Alex try.

But what could he do? He was in love with someone who loved him back. There were only so many things keeping them apart, regardless if it was healthy or not.

“Tonight, go home and get some sleep. Tomorrow, let’s get coffee and let’s talk. Let’s talk everything out. No anger, no animosity. Let me know you and let me prove it’s worth it. I swear to god it’s worth it.” Alex promised, resting his chin on Michael’s head.

It felt odd. They didn’t really hug, not unless it was going to eventually lead to sex. But that’s not what this was. This was nothing more than Alex holding him and him holding Alex right back. There were no pulling away, there were no overwhelming stares, and there weren’t any kisses‒they were just holding each other for a countless amount of time when sex wasn’t even on the table.

For the first time in a long time, Michael felt like it might actually work.

“Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


End file.
